Tonight I got nostalgic, it has been two years since I was “flying solo” so I read through my previous blogs. It’s been over a year since I wrote my last blog on 3rd May 2020. A lot has happened since then.
But let me start with a post I wrote on 23rd August 2019 – Day 22 of my travels from Zadar “I’m not one to sit down for longer than a day unless I’m ill, but I figured I needed to have some relaxation otherwise I would go back to work more exhausted than when I first started the 6 week holiday. As a teacher the 6 weeks are great if you have a family, or money to keep yourself occupied. As a singleton with little money (I marked 540 GCSEs to get me here and a credit card) 6 weeks can be a drag. Yes it’s nice to have time off but keeping yourself occupied without spending money is a chore. I get bored very easily and as you may have gathered like to see new things.” Now this at the time had no significance little did we know what was in the future.
Let me take you back to 3rd May 2020 days of lockdown had passed by and talks of restrictions being lifted happened. There was hope…Summer came – the summer of “staycation” the return of work happened had I changed my work life balance – a tad but it was easy to get back into a routine of work, coach hockey, tutor, mark, eat, sleep and repeat. I was now home alone so treading water…lockdown hit again. Stay at home but schools still open – this time bonus support bubbles allowed ✅✅. To my mums on a weekend. Christmas came – living in a tier 2 world but that got cancelled on Christmas Eve…January arrived back to work for a day….Good one BJ. Then hit the darkest days
January 2021 – lockdown 103 (probably just number 3)…working from home but this time with a difference – teach lessons on teams – multiple malfunctions, multiple speaking to myself, multiple hitting my head against a brick wall. This time lockdown exercise at an all time low – it snows it rains it does everything but be nice weather. Gain a housemate (albeit temporarily) but a god send.
Then the worst happens…COVID finally hits home…you lose your Uncle Marvellous completely out of the blue, the one that had done anything possible to keep away from the bastard virus. You hear the phone call to say there’s nothing more that can be done, it finally hits home the last 9 months have been to try and save lives…but it’s currently not working. So then you have an idea one which will make your uncle proud. You will run the Great North Run in his memory.
Fast forward a few more months of lockdown, restrictions, vaccine rollout, and we are now here in August…6 weeks of summer. Going back to my second paragraph – 2 years ago I struggled to sit still. This last 2 weeks I’ve done the bare minimum. I’ve been out and about walking/ running, but for the majority I’ve sat at home and just stopped.
In the last 2 years I’ve learnt that it’s ok to just sit and do nothing. Sometimes it just right to lie horizontally and watch random stuff on the tv. No one will judge you for doing so, admittedly I do have days where I still get angry with myself for doing nothing – alas I’m not doing nothing – I’m giving up time for me.
Looking back at posts I finished my travels off with this saying from Charlie Chaplain and it couldn’t be more appropriate now:
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know “THAT IS LIFE”!
So there we go…a load of waffle but it just shows what a difference situations can make. The last couple of years have made me and it’s ready for the next chapter…just the minor challenge of running 13 miles in a month – send help 🥵🥵
Flying Solo 