Flying Solo

October 15th 2019

Off work – no energy, don’t feel like doing anything. The day passes. I can’t stop crying. I have no reason to cry. I text my mum saying something isn’t right. I can’t physically do this anymore. She urges me to book a doctors appointment – by chance there is one for the following day

October 16th 2019

Mum drags me to my doctors appointment I dress in my joggers and hoody – she politely tells me I look like shit. Cry to the doctor – got myself in a viscous cycle and can’t find the escape route. There is no way out. Work is my saviour it keeps me busy, stops me from thinking. Decision – signed off from work (not helpful), referred to CMHT. Move into mums house as being with Milo the dog during the day is better than being on my own.

Following days and weeks

Mope around with a duvet, not wanting to leave the house. Anxiety/ paranoia at a high – there’s nothing wrong with me, I should be at work. Why am I being so stupid!? Go to the lakes – get fresh air sleep for hours, start to feel human.

Have appointments with counsellor talk through several issues. Start to feel more positive. Prepare for a crazy 2020.

March 20th 2020

Work closed for the foreseeable, put onto a rota to support vulnerable children and children of key workers. No longer on the books to see the counsellor – my 6 sessions were done and I was in a better place. What could possibly go wrong?

March 22nd 2020

Borris Johnson declares a nationwide lockdown – you must stay at home, you can’t socialise, you can’t do anything. Now thinking about it this could have gone one or two ways, I could have fallen back into a rut and jumped backwards, a good possibility considering many plans for a positive 2020 were being cancelled, Or, I could try and come out of the whole lockdown experience mentally and physically stronger.

May 3rd 2020

After 42 days in lockdown and not really being able to leave the home it’s hard to believe how positive this experience has been for me. Ok as I sit and write this I’ve got a wine head behind my right eye – so my Saturday night habits haven’t changed. However, with significantly more time on my hands I have ensured that I make a lot more time for myself. I’m running – more like plodding, I’m cycling, I’m doing HIIT classes, I’ve rejoined slimming world – trying to have new recipes. I’m reading, I’m learning, I’m sitting down and just relaxing.

I appreciate that for many this experience has been negative, stressful and at times hard work, but for me it’s really made me think how I can change my lifestyle for the better on the back of all of this. There’s not a chance that I’m going to be filling my time up with private tutoring after work, I still want to be doing my HIIT classes. If I get to 5k – I want to be plodding away regularly. I want to get into bed and read for a bit on an evening – not crawl into bed having marked a class set of tests until 10.30 at night.

As talks of coming out of the lockdown are starting, it’s time to start planning for me – how can I continue the positive vibes that I have created, how can I proceed to feel pretty relaxed.

Ultimately, only time will tell. We can try and change our course but as soon as we are back into our routine, we fall back into the traps, no longer do we make time for ourselves. But has this pandemic changed life as we know it, who really knows!

Stay safe and remember to reach out if you are feeling down!

Last week I had all hopes and ambitions that I was going to be good and try a 9 day detox! I lasted a grand total of 3 days. 

Throughout the week I was constantly reminded by Facebook memories or Timehop that I go through the same routine after Easter every year and usually I end up failing at some point. Last year I managed 2.5 days, the sun came out and all of a sudden a glass of wine had slipped into my hand.

It’s not that I wake up on a morning thinking “ooh I know a gin and tonic would be lovely to start my day.” No no, that’s only when on tour. However, it’s nice to sit down with a nice glass of wine when having a nice meal or a gin and tonic in the sun. For me it’s the perfect relax. 

In my little sun trap I sometimes feel that I’m in foreign climes and how further away from those do we all feel right now. Who knows when we will get away – Australia looks further away now than ever before, particularly when you can’t transit through Hong Kong. It’s becoming more of a reality that plans will have to change. Lion king which was a 30th birthday treat has been postponed until May 2022, birthday celebrations postponed until October 2020 (I decided I would be like the queen, plus what else am I going to do with an inflatable Mr. Blobby, some disco lights and a handful of 90s photo booth props 🤷🏻‍♀️). 

Anyhow, back to my sun trap and relaxing with a glass of wine. There’s no point trying to change habits – it’s more adapting to ensure the correct balance. With the Easter break coming to an end my work routine will be recommencing at 7am tomorrow morning. I’ve made sure I’ve booked onto a HIIT class to keep me moving and I’m scheduling in a ride or the couch to 5km every other day. The detox won’t happen but it will during the week – back to living for the weekend and remembering what day it is.

This whole experience for me has been pretty zen. I feel so relaxed and pretty positive! I just wish I could do it with friends and family! Now for another 3 weeks of isolation as we know it. 

Make sure you look after yourselves. Stay home and make a positive change for the better – we can do this 💪🏼💪🏼

 

The prospect of being locked up is very daunting for many, the thought of not leaving the four walls that for the majority is a safe place can be scary. I would dread to think what it’s like being a position where being in your own home isn’t a safe place and I hope that the people who are in that position can find an escape. But when we went into lockdown just under 3 weeks ago I could have taken one of 2 approaches. Sit inside and mope or sit inside and have fun. I think I’ve gone for the latter.

This week has brought a lockdown birthday, trying new things and generally relaxing. The beginning of the week was the “official” start of the Easter break as we know it, so what do most do on the start of the holiday?! – well I started French on Duo Lingo. So far so good apart from when I write the answers in Spanish. I’ve completed the first few tasks. 🤓🤓.

Tuesday was eventful to say the least, it was my housemates birthday! Who knew that you could keep a surprise online party secret, decorate the front room and get so drunk that you sustain a dancing injury! The supermarket mission (it’s now definitely more like supermarket sweep each time I go) led me to buying happy retirement balloons rather than happy birthday balloons but I think they had the same effect. Over all a good day was had but I don’t think neither of us felt fresh on Wednesday.

This week has also seen me get out on the bike and do metafit a lot more. Hopefully over the next few weeks I will see some benefit. I’m going to attempt a 9 day detox from tomorrow with lots of new healthy recipes to try so we will see how that goes. You can sense a theme for next weeks blog – detox – is it worth it?

So how’s lockdown treating me – other than the lack of social interaction in a face to face manner I’m coping pretty well – I feel privileged that I can say that.

Remember to reach out to people if you need to. Someone is always a phone call away. If you haven’t spoken to someone in a while drop them a line. You never know how much it could mean to someone.

So we are now coming up to the end of week 2 of social distancing or lockdown as we know it. What great things have we achieved this week? As a nation we continue to applaud the key workers – surely this should be done all the time and not just at 8pm on a Thursday evening. It astounds me how it takes something so bad to wake up society from their busy lives, but in reality they are quick to forget…who remembers the be kind motto from a few months back, clearly not the ones slating the Chief Medical Officer for his looks! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Maybe it’s just me having a completely different perspective on society but it baffles me how quickly people are to jump on a bandwagon then hop right off when the next new slogan comes along.

But anyway moving on, What have I learnt this week? Well painting by numbers is tricky, time can fly when you are being productive, and a bike ride can leave you sore for days.

Actually no wait – This week I’ve learnt a lot about my social circle and who I would take on my journey (if I had to choose), it would include the ones who reach out, the ones who drop a line and say hello, the ones who If social distancing allowed would be round with a flick of a switch. Modern day technology allows for you to be “in touch” with whoever you want, whenever you want, but it doesn’t work if the thought isn’t there to use it. Yes it is a 2-way system and it takes two to tango but are there people in your social circle who have either a) not reached out to you or b) you’ve not reached out to them? Are they really “true” friends?

Finally, this week has shown me the true meaning of morals and values. What do people want to achieve in life? Is it the ticking box exercise of having a job, having a car, having a husband/wife/partner, having kids etc. Or is it the comfort of knowing that you have a supportive network of friends and family that would support you know matter what. Friends/ family that would appreciate those around them for what they did, they would applaud the NHS and key workers when they woke up no matter the day or time. But most importantly they wouldn’t push you in front of a bus to benefit themselves.

So after 2 weeks of isolation what would you choose / most importantly who would you choose to follow you on your journey through life?

Stay safe.

Unprecedented, lockdown, social distancing, COVID-19, self-isolation all words which are frequenting our daily lives of late. Several months ago non of us would have thought such terms would frequent our daily lives. In October, Whilst sat in an initial assessment with a mental health primary care worker she said to me. What have you got to look forward to… my response “my 30th birthday and party in May, my trip to South Africa in June and a trip to Australia in July.” Now as week one is coming to an end and talks of this being the start of a lengthy period of “lockdown” my plans will most likely have to change. Yes that sucks but if I allow it to suck then the next however many weeks will become mundane. I can easily rearrange my birthday – after all the Queen has 2 so why can’t I 🤷🏻‍♀️🧐🎉💃🏻…I will take the kids to South Africa just maybe not at the designated time and worst case scenario I will fly to Australia in 2021.

The key now is to keep to the routine…not going to lie it has been quite relaxing. My house mate and I were talking the other night whilst sat in front of the chiminea that we would never have done this on a “normal” day. He would have been stood on the hockey pitch coaching and I would have been tutoring until late, coming home and no doubt marking whilst trying to cook dinner and maintain a clean house. That cycle would repeat until Friday where I would be on my knees seeking a large goblet of wine.

How times have changed and a new perspective on life as we know it has arrived. How often would you be able to have time to go out and have some “fresh” air, speak to your friends/ family on zoom/houseparty/WhatsApp, sit on the sofa and read? Can we ultimately have positivity out of something so negative. I’m sure lives will be different in the years to come as a result of this. You will realise who your true friends are, you will see that work can be done without intense pressure, and most importantly hopefully people will realise that time for themselves is crucial in maintaining sanity.

So enough of the pondering, this week I’ve kept myself entertained with the following:

So folks, after all of the fun of the first week! We move onto the second week! Remember to look after yourselves, mentally and physically, stay at home and most importantly make sure you check in on those people that mean something to you. Stay safe folks and enjoy a funday Sunday 😘😘

So 7 months ago I was coming towards the end of my travels around Italy and Croatia…today as I write this 69,176 people in Italy have suffered from the novel Covid-19 virus (or the coronita as I call it) and 6,820 people have sadly lost their lives. Remember I’m only talking about Italy. A country which was the head of Europe in the Roman period, a country which thrives on social interaction and here we are in 2020 quarantined into our own homes.

Flying solo now has another meaning…what am I going to get up to over the next 3 weeks confined to the space of my own home. Thank the lord hallelujah for my housemate Chris, otherwise I think I would start talking to myself more than I already do. I decided before we were even told to stay at home that I would need a routine. If I don’t have a routine I will lose the plot. A lot has happened since returning from Italy personally, and I discovered that it’s important to make sure I find time for myself. So the first thing I did was write a timetable.

So I will talk you through Day 1 of official lock down, Tuesday 24th March. Woke up, had a shower, made some cinnamon swirls (the jus roll stuff – revolutionary) then 8.30 was the start of school work..School officially closed on Friday (it’s still open to keyworkers children, EHCP students and vulnerable students) so we are on a rota based system. Students have been set work, and so far some seem to be doing it! Bravo kids. I woke up yesterday and decided it would be wise to have alarms, like a school day to break up my day, alas by 5pm I decided this was tedious and just annoying, I think I can tell the time and stop if I need to. School work consisted of planning work for year 12 and future work for year 9 and 10 if required (most likely schools won’t reopen on 20th April). It was a fairly productive 2.5 hours until I discovered Tik Tok by which point I wanted to learn the hand challenge, I honestly think I lack co-ordination I cannot remember what to do with my hands for the life of me.

11 am brought on the start of the house activity – today was clean the front room and kitchen, one of those jobs which after a day at work you never want to do but once it’s done you feel so much better! Plus if I’m being confined to living quarters for the next couple of weeks a clean home is a relaxing home. An hour pause for lunch and managed to fit some painting by numbers in, so so therapeutic I highly recommend it! I also rang my gran. Bless her, at the age of 92 this social distancing is difficult for her, but thankfully she has a garden and the weather is improving so I think she managed a conversation over the wall with her next door neighbour! All she wants to do is go to Sainsbury’s 🤣🤣. Daily phone calls will continue to be the new norm for a while, although when she asks what do I know I won’t have much to say, although yesterday she had found out I had bought a bike 🧐🧐

Yes I’ve bought a bike. If BJ is allowing me out for some exercise I may aswell do it in style, I hate running at the best of times so a mix and match exercise regime will be delightful as long as it doesn’t rain. So my exercise regime was a 25 minute FIIT workout then a good walk down the old railway line with Chris. I actually felt relaxed it was crazy.

The day ended with a bath, some sizzling beef fajitas, a couple of G&Ts and we started watching Messiah. It was a different day but do I feel more relaxed – Yes. Do I think I can maintain this routine – I hope I can. What have I learnt – routine is key. I’m not going to bore you for the next 3 weeks on what I’ve been getting up to but I do have a few ideas of what to post about.

So look after yourselves kids! Stay safe and most importantly – stay at home

Another early rise, at least this won’t be a shock to the system on Monday when my alarm goes off for back to work and I was on my way back to the UK. I took a moment to get onto the plane as I basked in the early morning heat for one last time – who knows how long it will be until I see the sun like that again.

Whilst on the plane and coming into land, you could tell the weather outside wasn’t as nice as the weather you are used to. The plane was up and down and side to side as coming into land but non the less it got down in one piece.

Upon the arrival into Edinburgh I caught the bus to Waverley station and whilst it was dry decided to go up Calton Hill and earn my lunch at Howies.A quick lunch and a catch up with Debsie and it was finally time to head home. The adventure is over.

So my adventure has come to an end am I sad? Am I glad? Probably a mixture of the two. What have I learnt over the last few weeks, Europe is a bloody amazing place, rich in history, amazing food and drink, amazing people, top dollar weather. Why we are leaving the EU baffles me. In the time of leaving London 4 weeks ago, my passport has been checked a grand total of 2 times by passport control, landing in Croatia, and arriving back into Italy by boat, oh and entering back into the UK…free movement is a no brainer (anyway enough about the politics).

What else have I learnt, I actually can get on with my own company for a long period of time, ok I’ve lived on my own for over a year but it’s different when you have to spend all day everyday in your own company. I’ve also learnt that I miss my family and friends back home a heck of a lot and when dad/ mum said keep in touch, I wasn’t expecting the “Morning” text every day from both of them 🤣🤣🤦🏻‍♀️. I think I’ve spoken to them more this trip via text than I do when I’m at home.

I’ve learnt I can relax and should at times take the opportunity to relax – I’ve never read a book so much in all my life apart from maybe when Harry Potter was released or I was “revising” at uni, I usually only dip in and out when I get the “chance”.

Finally, my good friend, Mini Wood sent me this whilst I was away. It was written by Charlie Chaplin for his 70th birthday and it feels fitting to close my blog with it. Woods adventures aren’t over, this is just the start. Who is ready for the next chapter?

As I began to love myself

I found that anguish and emotional suffering

are only warning signs that I was living

against my own truth.

Today, I know, this is Authenticity.

As I began to love myself

I understood how much it can offend somebody

if I try to force my desires on this person,

even though I knew the time was not right

and the person was not ready for it,

and even though this person was me.

Today I call this Respect.

As I began to love myself

I stopped craving for a different life,

and I could see that everything

that surrounded me

was inviting me to grow.

Today I call this Maturity.

As I began to love myself

I understood that at any circumstance,

I am in the right place at the right time,

and everything happens at the exactly right moment.

So I could be calm.

Today I call this Self-Confidence.

As I began to love myself

I quit stealing my own time,

and I stopped designing huge projects

for the future.

Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness,

things I love to do and that make my heart cheer,

and I do them in my own way

and in my own rhythm.

Today I call this Simplicity.

As I began to love myself

I freed myself of anything

that is no good for my health –

food, people, things, situations,

and everything that drew me down

and away from myself.

At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism.

Today I know it is Love of Oneself.

As I began to love myself

I quit trying to always be right,

and ever since

I was wrong less of the time.

Today I discovered that is Modesty.

As I began to love myself

I refused to go on living in the past

and worrying about the future.

Now, I only live for the moment,

where everything is happening.

Today I live each day,

day by day,

and I call it Fulfillment.

As I began to love myself

I recognized

that my mind can disturb me

and it can make me sick.

But as I connected it to my heart,

my mind became a valuable ally.

Today I call this connection Wisdom of the Heart.

We no longer need to fear arguments,

confrontations or any kind of problems

with ourselves or others.

Even stars collide,

and out of their crashing, new worlds are born.

Today I know: This is Life!

So my natural body clock woke up just before 7! Who was I kidding that I was going to have a lie in 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️.

Breakfast in the hotel and a leave at 8.15 got me to the train station for 8.50 am, there was a train to Bologna at 9, so I quickly bought a ticket and made my way to the train which was on the platform. However, you have to validate your ticket before travel in Italy, I couldn’t see a machine so asked the guard lady, she said on the other side of the platform, a quick sprint down the stairs, validation on the ticket and a 2 stair sprint up I jumped on the train. Bologna bound. 🚂🚂

Upon arrival in Bologna, I got rid of my bag – the expense I’ve paid over the last few weeks leaving my bag at airports or train station has been quite silly, but it was always going to better than looking like a pack horse walking around cities on 30 degree heat.

Following A walk into the historic centre, I was greeted for the first time not by Roman monuments but instead medieval and Renaissance buildings. Quite stunning really and reminded me slightly of York in a weird kind of way and what I imagine Shakespearean England looked like but with Sun.

After an iced coffee I decided to hop onto a tourist train – again the expense paid on these tourist trips has been significant but when you don’t really know a city it’s the best way to explore. The train took us alongside the worlds longest roofed arcade, the Portico di San Luca up to the Sanctuary of the Madonna di San Luca. This Monastery lies 300m above the city and 3.8km from the centre, the Portico was made as the road conditions were hard for pilgrims making their way to the Sanctuary. Interestingly, the porticos had to be high enough for men on horseback, and so now much of the city has these features.

Once back in the city I had a pleasant sized portion of Tortellini famous of the region and made my way back to the train station for my journey up to Milan via the two towers.

The journey to Milan – well what can I say, I was cheap and so bought the cheapest ticket saving myself 20 euros. However, it was via Verona, the first train was delayed and had no air conditioning. It was like been trapped in a sauna. I had no water and was sticking to the seat. However, it got me to Verona where I managed to get water, have a wee and freshen up. Delightful.

Finally I made it my hotel. Ready for an early night before my early rise back to the UK.

First stop Edinburgh! 🍾🍾💃🏻💃🏻

Today was really my final day of exploring as tomorrow I have to make my way back to Milan Airport and really there’s only so much exploring you can do in 30 degree heat with a backpack.

It was an early start to get to the bus stop ready for my San Marino experience.

Upon arrival in San Marino I went on the little tourist train and got an insight into the history of the independent nation.

It went through the old train tunnels and dropped me off at the gondola, to be taken up into the historical centre.

The country derives its name from Saint Marinus, a stonemason from the Roman colony on the island of Rab, in modern-day Croatia. In AD 257, Marinus, according to legend, participated in the reconstruction of Rimini’s city walls after their destruction by Liburnian pirates. Marinus then went on to found an independent monastic community on Monte Titano in AD 301; thus, San Marino lays claim to be the oldest extant sovereign state as well as the oldest constitutional republic.

Back to my trip, the capital of San Marino, San Marino is based art he top of Monte Titano surrounded by medieval walls so the gondola was the perfect way to get up. It was either that or walking.

Once at the top, the views were insane, and it was time for some exploring. It’s a very old town with narrow streets and 3 towers. You can see why the city/ republic bases its economy on tourism.

After a morning in San Marino, it was time to head back to Rimini, I didn’t really want to wait until 6pm for the other bus as that would have made my day extremely long, and the next two days making my way back to the UK are going to be long enough. I did not want to be more exhausted than before I left.

Once back in Rimini I got my aperol fix and spent my final afternoon by the pool.

I’ve had an urge for a pasta carbonara all trip – tonight was the nice. It was tasty but such a plateful. It was rich too so you didn’t want to eat too much. I was completely stuffed and defeated. Once again a food coma was on the cards.

Tomorrow is my last day in Italy before I fly back on Friday. I’m going to make a leisurely trip to Milan airport via Bologna, will not be rushing in the morning as a sleep would be ideal!

Having fallen asleep before 9 pm last night I was still pretty tired when I woke up. I had decided that today was going to be the final relax day of my adventure. Remember I hate sitting still for longer than ten minutes.

I went down for breakfast, who knew risotto was a breakfast choice 🤷🏻‍♀️. Ready for the day it was time to hit the beach, I didn’t have far to travel, a mere 10 metres across the road. I get a feeling that Rimini is a bit like the Blackpool of Italy, the beach is just rammed full of sun beds and activities. It cost me 10 euros for a bed and umbrella – far cheaper than the Almalfi coast 🤣.

Error number 1 of today – I forgot my sunglasses.

Error number 2 – I bought sparkling water instead of still. As a chemist🤓 – you know that the carbon dioxide is just going to release rapidly over the course of the day and it will turn into a warm weird tasting water – delightful ⚗️

Error number 3 – I hadn’t charged my kindle enough so it would run out of charge before the day is out.

But anyway it was rather pleasant.

I lasted a grand total of just over 4 hours at the beach before I was far too hot and sandy! Time for an aperol and a pool stint

A little cafe opposite the beach provided me with a slice of pizza and an Aperol

Back in the hotel I got myself a corona for by the pool – I ended up knocking it over and having the fear of going back to the bar straight away to get a new one. So instead I absorbed some more rays – I need to get as much vitamin D over the next few days as possible before the start of going to work in the dark and getting home in the dark begins.

A freshen up and a relax in my cool air conditioned room followed by some drinks and dinner down the road. My aperol was served with mini pizza so by the time I got to my Milanese cutlet with spinach I was in a food coma and in bed by 8 pm. Although I do need to be up at 6.15 am if I’m to make it to San Marino, I’ve booked from south Rimini 16 km away rather than north Rimini 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️.